I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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