had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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