You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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