Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I love you.
Bad choice
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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