The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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