Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
