i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
honey bunches of taint.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
