Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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