If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
