omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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