youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
