11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
