I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
