I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
