I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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