I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
