onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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