you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
