You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
