Old men and throwing up are my life now.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
