so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
