You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
ok first of all what the fuck
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
