so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
