At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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