I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
