There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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