The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
