if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
