i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
