youre lurking in front of me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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