Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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