He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
