Me too!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
