i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
