so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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