Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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