Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
