Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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