Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
