Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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