My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
