you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
