Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
