I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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