i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
