U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
