Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
