It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
