not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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