if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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