If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
