I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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