The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
