This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
