but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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