I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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