thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
