Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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