A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
